he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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