how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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