went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Life is so much better after having sex.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
