i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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