lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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