Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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