Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
