I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
only if we run a train.
done.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
