someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
