Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
