somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
