I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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