it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
