Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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