You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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