Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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