Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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