i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
