Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
