o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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