i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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