So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
