where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
