I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize