Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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