fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
