Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
