Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
