im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize