Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
