Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
