did you get engaged???
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
