So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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