My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
