I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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