I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
