I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
