If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
