I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm bleeding and have questions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
