there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
