I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please, let me fuck your mom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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