goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
