I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
