in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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