I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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