I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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