Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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