my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize