I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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