I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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