i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
