God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize