Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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