Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize