so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
