in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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