On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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