OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
