part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
