just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
