woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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