You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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