Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
