Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
