Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
