I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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