I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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