Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
