i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I still have a little drunk in my system
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
