well I can't set my house on fire every night
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
