the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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