There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
