Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
