Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
