Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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