i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God, I missed his penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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