No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
