you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
