just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
