I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize