would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
