No, you can still breathe under the balls.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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