Christians are straight up FREAKS
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
