I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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