I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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